#56 I’m in Tears
When we started planning for the Loop some 3 years ago, I had absolutely no idea what to expect or even how to prepare myself. When we pushed off eight months ago, I was a fawn in headlights- excited about the possibilities but totally clueless of what lay in store. Little did I know that this adventure would alter the very core of who I am.
So, why the tears? As determined as I am to stay present and enjoy every single moment, the inevitable end of this trip is now visible. Butch created a listing to sell our boat (possibly in Michigan) and listed it on the AGLCA webpage. So the reality that this won’t last forever smacked me square in the face. OUCH!
It’s not the boat that I will desperately mourn. I knew when we purchased it that we wouldn’t keep the boat long after the Loop. It’s the personal connections I’ve made and the self growth that was spawned from living outside my comfort and control zone while learning to adapt and perform in constantly changing conditions and emotional states that once removed will leave the deepest void. Some days, I don’t even recognize myself (bare feet dangling into the engine room as I assist Butch as he replaces the impellers (yes I know what they are AND what they do!) And I like what I see.
I’ve allowed my living room to be total chaos (photo) without hyperventilating. I’ve removed engine grease from our light gray vinyl seats on a weekly basis without even flinching. I’ve gotten green slime from the lock walls under my nails without immediately running for my nail brush. I’ve learned not to take everything so personally – sometimes he’s mad at the boat or the situation, not me. And I’ve even killed spiders!
We’ve met absolutely remarkable and generous people everywhere we’ve gone. In town, people thank us for visiting and wish us luck on our journey. At the marinas, people offer local knowledge, rides to town, help with repairs, and use of tools we don’t have on board. On the water, we meet friends who quickly become family as we Loop-frog over months of travel.
But, the most important relationship that has blossomed has been between Butch and me. We’ve learned more about each other in the past eight months than we would have in 20 years at home. We’ve learned to trust each other implicitly, rely on each other like our lives depend on it, comfort each other when one is having a bad moment, make each other laugh (and cry) and readily forgive when stress brings out the darker side. We will never again be so constantly and completely intertwined in each other’s lives and the loss of that intimacy makes me sad to think about.
This has truly been the adventure of my life. I’ve traveled and seen absolutely amazing and beautiful things. But, I was always an appreciative observer, never an integral player. Shy of creating then raising my two amazing sons and my professional career in which I constantly strove to give my all, this has been my greatest achievement. This adventure has pushed me past my limits. It has made me a true partner and an unyielding participant. It has shown me that I am appreciated and worthy. At this age, to have a renewed appreciation for life and for myself is miraculous.
I will never forget this journey, what it has taught me, and how it has made me feel. Whenever it ends, it will be too soon. Until then, I will peer through glossy eyes and savor every moment of every day. ~C
“Sometimes you hold on to things not because you want to keep them, but because they are difficult to let go.” – Arthur Pepper
Hi Cheryl !
This is such a heartfelt rant from your soul!
You have been smitten by the lure of the seas. You have become a ‘waterwoman’ And now, like us watermen, Butch and I, the siren call will always draw you back to mother ocean!
Maybe a lake!
What an amazing post! Thanks for sharing.
My pleasure
So happy for you!
You have such a great talent for expressing things. I’m so glad yall got to experience the loop and more than that the building of your relationship. I pray you’ll continue to build on that.
God Bless
Excellent post Cheryl. Let me know when you guys plan to arrive in Northern Michigan.
I am crying now also. This is one of the sweetest posts! You deserve this happiness and reinforcement of your wonderful contributions to the world. Thanks for sharing!